Relationships

How My Over Possessive Partner Led To Our Breakup

August 3, 2018
over-possessive-partner
Photo by Andrew Ly on Unsplash

We all know, how hard it is to deal with an over possessive partner. Showing concern is good, everybody likes to have attention and respect. But being so clingy and over possessed that you are trying to control all their personal and professional matters, this is the point where the situation starts to complex up a bit.

I have seen many couples saying that I need space, my partner is super possessive, he / she never trusts me, blah blah!

In today’s article, we would be discussing some signs of over possessive partner, how it can lead to a breakup and some tips to avoid it. I will also share my part of  the story which is “How It Ended My 3 Years Long Relationship”.

So lets get started!

Signs of an over possessive partner

They try to control your daily wear cloths: Yes! This is true. I have seen many girls complaining this about their over possessive boyfriends.

They want to control what you wear because their jealousy conscious does not want any other guys to see and try to hit on you. Jealousy is natural, but we can’t force anyone to do something we like. No one likes when their freedom is compromised.

I came across a very interesting study the other day which may help you save your relationship. Check this out – “Possessive Behavior Most Pure Expression Of Love“.

Trust plays a very important part in a relationship. The best solution to any problem is talking about it.

Go on a date, talk on this topic to each other. Try to build up a mutual space.

Always remember,”Relationships are all about mutual understanding and compromise”.

They peek into your professional life: This is one of the most irritating moment when your partner starts to interfere in your professional matters. This is purely unethical!

You guys love each other, that’s great! But if you constantly poke in your partner’s professional matters. There will come a time when they will start to hide things from you just to avoid those irritating and useless fights.

Value their loyalty and give them enough space so that they themselves want to share everything with you.

Also, have you seen my previous article “how phone addiction ruins your relationship“?

Jealousy when you hang out with your friends without them: When your over possessive partner tries to call or text you more than usual. This is the sign of insecurity and jealousy.

They are always complaining about your friends and force you not to hangout with them. They feel so insecure that they start to stalk and spy on you.

You have to compromise your “ME” time: They want you everywhere every time and if you deny meeting them, its a very big issue and lead to useless fights.

Every one has right to have their personal space and no one likes when someone trespasses into that, always keep that in mind.

They want to have your social media passwords: They are so much insecure about the relation that they constantly ping you to exchange social media passwords.

I have been into this and believe me, this really freaked me out!

A little bit of insecurity is good, that’s a sign of a healthy relationship.

Yet still, “If someone really wants to cheat on you, he or she definitely will! You can have passwords exchanged and yet they will find out other resources to connect with other people”.

This is one of the reasons why my over possessive girlfriend led to our breakup.

Talking randomly to someone with opposite gender leads to fights: Here it comes, the point where they can’t bear to see you talking with anyone else.

They get so suspicious that they break-out on you.

Replying them late is unbearable: They can’t resist the urge to fight and create an issue when you reply them late or forgot to reply them after seeing their messages.

My relationship was so much vulnerable that we used to fight over these silly things too.

I mean, literally, everyone is busy right? So what’s the big deal if they forgot to reply you once.

You have to compromise your family time for them:  Talking to them morning, afternoon, evening and at night is a rule that can’t be mended.

So this policy of your over possessive partner leads you like opposite pole and hence you are repelled from your family.

How over possessiveness leads to a dead end aka Breakup!

We all know how a relationship can be ruined by a super possessive partner. They are so much into us that we find it hard to have our personal space.

They always find silly topics to fight and hence the relationship is more of a mess.

Considering all the above points, let me share how to avoid this mess.

SPACE! 

Yes, you got that right. Space is the only solution to control your over possessiveness. We need to stick into our subconscious mind that everyone deserves their personal space.  We cannot force anyone over anything, and if we does there always is a consequence.

I just came across a great article on Lifehack.com which was all about “Personal Space In Your Relationship”.

As I said above, possessiveness is good, but being an over possessive partner will surely complicate things in your relationship.

Your partner may not complaint about it in the starting, but eventually, they will feel suppressed and hence your relationship would be at stake.

In the coming future, I will share the importance of pace in a healthy relationship. This may sound normal and most of the individuals won’t even focus on this much.

BUT!

Let me share something with you guys. During the early stage of our relationships we are so high on our love thing that we drive the vehicle of our relationship so fast and end up in a road rage.

In simple words, we must take it with the slow pace. Don’t force the love thing onto each other immediately because when the time passes by, like a couple of months or maybe years people have already done every effort to please their partner and end up in a boring monotonous one.

Let’s consider an example, like during the early stages of a relation, both the individuals try their best, like putting up efforts.

But when the time passes by, and the efforts to please each other starts to decrease, our partners find that suspicious and complaint that they changed. I have heard this many times “my partner changed, previously he / she used to put in efforts and now they hardly do anything like they used to do in the past”.

We must maintain the pace so that we can drive the vehicle of our relationship at economy phase and hence makes it a lasting one.

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My part: How my over possessive partner led to our breakup

I will take try to make it short and sweet.

We got into relationship back in January 2014. It was good in the starting and we both were enjoying loving each other.

I was not one of that over possessive partner at that time. I was more of a “live and let live” kind of individual.

Everything was going good, we used to talk everyday. Share everything.

She was possessive in the starting too but things started to complex up a bit when that possession started to get higher and got that OVER prefix tag.

Then there was a time when some over possessive signs started to kick in. She wanted my social media passwords. It was a bit cheesy but I didn’t found anything wrong so we exchanged the passwords.

Time passed by and , she wanted me to talk to her. Every-time!

I couldn’t talk with my other friends and had to compromise my “ME” time for her.

It was still good and didn’t bothered me much.

But.

Have you heard about “The impact of relevant”?

According to me, it was good that she was so much into me. So there came a point where I also started to adapt that over possessive partner thinge because I was so used to it.

Time passed by, then there came a point when she started to get irritated with stuff and habits that I used to possess as her over possessive boyfriend.

The odd thing was, she used to do that same things too. Isn’t that strange how people can do whatever they want and when they face the same situation themselves, they get irritated and frustrated!

This was the thing.

She ended our relationship in November 2016.

According to me, the most dominant reason for our breakup was over possessiveness. Which started from her and ended on me.

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Thank you!

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